Many people, especially if they’re over 30, get numerous questions from different people relative to their baby-making (or lack of baby-making) activities. It’s almost like it’s a curse to some people if you’re past a certain age and don’t have any children. And if you happen to be both single and childless at that time, the pressure is applied even more. “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING ON TO HAVE CHILDREN?!” they say.
Eventually you may start receiving more aggressive comments like “38 and no children? Wow! I have a friend who’s single too. You two should talk” or “Maybe if you start using KY Jelly he’ll want to have sex more and you will conceive.” I’m going to leave those two comments right there and pretend I never heard those in reality. But seriously, what the devil is up with society?
Having children is a choice
There are countless reasons why someone may not have children; maybe they feel the time isn’t right, they’re unable to have children or simply do not want any. And quite frankly, their reason is no one’s business.
The average person tends to flock to the norm, possibly to feel as though they’re part of something more. They then try to force these norms as well as their personal viewpoints onto others. This is likely because they believe that having children is supposed to make others happy. Or perhaps they think that it will secretly validate the choices they made in their own lives.
Having children is generally not an easy decision and it is each person’s choice to have children or not. Whichever choice someone makes does not make them a better or worse person. And contrary to popular belief, most people who choose to not have children can actually be less selfish than those who do. It all depends on the individual’s perspective and the ultimate outcome they would like to achieve. In fact, it is highly possible that those people who are bold enough to ask someone, “What are you waiting on to have children?” may be the most selfish of them all.
Forcing others to have Children
To question someone’s stance on their decision about children usually proves that the individual is either nosy, conceited, self-absorbed or lacks empathy, possibly all of the above. Think about it for a second. What does someone really get by questioning someone else about their personal choices in life? And what do they get by ridiculing them afterwards regardless of their response?
Neither party gets anything of true value from the interaction. That one question can bring more frustration to the one who feels pressured to answer; this is unacceptable of a true friendship or relationship. It’s really just a ploy to get someone to give in to someone else’s unspoken demand.
How people manipulate others
A lot of people don’t consider what their probing words may actually do to someone. This is especially so for those who are not strong-minded enough to resist peer pressure. They may force some poor soul to feel guilty for not having children (potentially blaming them for decreasing the world’s population). Then the individual may have a child just to feel accepted.
Years later, that person can possibly have regret or may even dislike the child altogether. And who gets the blame? The parent. And that blame often comes from the same person who manipulated the person into having children to appease their selfish desires.
To have or not have Children?
The tricks from people who try to force others into having children don’t just stop at the points above. When they’re unable to get you to budge in the present, almost immediately most of them would seek to counter your stance with words such as, “Are you sure? Who will take care of you when you get old?” or “Don’t you want someone to pass on your name after you’re gone?” How neither of the latter sounds selfish to the people trying to convince others that they may be selfish for not wanting children is a mystery on its own.
However, it’s interesting to see so many people constantly sputtering such words; it’s like they believe having children guarantees a secure future even if that may be 30 years in the future. They don’t consider the possibilities of how many other things could occur before then. For instance, God forbids, the children could unexpectedly pass away at any point; and in most countries when a girl gets married her last name is replaced by someone else’s.
When having Children could be selfish
Having children just to pass on your name is subjective and debatable; but quite frankly doing this offers nothing of tangible value. It’s more realistic to expect that this will only serve to appease another ego. Because if some people really wanted children that badly and their goal was merely to raise a few and pass on something substantial to them, more would consider raising an adopted child.
Yes, there are many reasons adoption would not be an option for many. But it still does not negate the fact that many people would refuse to consider adoption; and this would often simply be because it does not embody what their idea of family life should be. This is totally fine, but to many who do not want children this view can also be seen as selfish.
Leave and let live
For these who definitely do not want children, the solution is simple. Don’t ever let anymore make you feel guilty for making or not making a decision that you feel is best for you. Because you can live in faith or you can live in fear. Many will come and few will respect your decisions (or the fact that you may not even be able to have children or that you didn’t just randomly rape someone to have a child). And of course they’re going to ask you that dreaded question, “What are you waiting on to have children?”
At that point, you can either respond rudely with, “Why don’t you just shut the hell up!” which of course they are going to take offense to OR you can just smile and peacefully think to yourself, Maybe one day they will get it.
