Arguably the most difficult place to let a man down easily is in bed. Understandably so, it is difficult because of the level of intimacy involved. You can’t get any more personal than having sex—or making love—to the person you possibly feel most connected to. So how do you do it? Check out the options below:
Options of letting him down in bed
“Hey, babe. I don’t know what’s been happening down there with you but I didn’t feel a thing. Can we try again … like never?”
“Dude, you sure talk a big game but you actually suck in bed. I don’t think we should have sex again.”
“John used to do it soooooooo much better. You really need to step up your D-game … with someone else because this just isn’t working out.”
“Are you sure you’re the same person who’s been sending me all those dirty messages? Because I think I might have quicker gotten an orgasm if I’d been molested by a cat.”
Have a heart
Okay, so if you’re like most people and still have at least some semblance of a heart, you would know that the above responses are things you should not say to a nonperforming man in the bedroom.
Now many would disagree with me for saying this. But I believe that if you truly love someone you would not let them go because of bad sex. I also believe that sex works best under an unbreakable or binding relationship. To clarify, this would be a relationship where two people can consistently devote themselves to loving each other; they will love each other during both the high and low periods of the relationship.
Most importantly, they will find ways to love most during those times when the sex is dissatisfying. Therefore in this context, “letting a man down easily in bed” does not mean letting him go. Instead it would mean letting him know in a humane manner that you are not being satisfied.
Your side of the fence
If you’re one to enjoy or prefer casual sex encounters (to each his/her own!) then more likely than not bad sex means you’re going to have to let the man down while also letting him go.
Regardless of which side of the fence you’re on, letting a man down easily requires understanding the same principles and applying the same strategies.
Understanding some principles
Principle #1: A man highly values his manhood and his ability to satisfy in bed.
Principle #2: Appreciation of a man’s efforts, a consistent showing of respect for him and acceptance of his dignity is the easiest way to empathize with a man; this cannot be properly done through verbal expressions of love.
Principle #3: No matter what you say or how you say it, mentioning to a man that he’s not performing as expected in bed is going to result in him feeling hurt.
Understanding the problems
Taking the above principles above into consideration, it goes without saying that regardless of how the man feels you’re going to have to hurt him before things can get better. The secret, however, obviously lies within the way you choose to do it.
If you really pay attention to the opening remarks at the start of the article relative to rounds of bad sex you can quickly realize each one has a few things in common. They each accuse the man of doing something wrong and/or ridicules him for it. There’s no understanding whatsoever and they don’t give the man the opportunity to keep or redeem his dignity.
Change your way of thinking
One common complaint I’ve often heard from many women is that they do not like to be teachers to men. They believe a man should just know. Quite frankly, it’s this sort of thinking that often leads men to under-perform in bed in the first place.
This occurs for two main reasons. 1. The man also tends to believe he should just know (even if he may not know what the hell he’s doing) and 2. A woman can often expect more out of sex than is realistically possible at all times; hence in her eyes it’s possible the man is not always performing.
The key to letting him down
The above becomes clearer when you merge points 1 and 2. You get a man who is too afraid to ask a woman to share her thoughts. Because he’s afraid to find out how he may really be performing in bed. What happens as a result is a miscommunication where expectations are unspoken and eventually too clearly unmet.
Therefore the key to letting him down easily lies in one primary understanding; he’s likely never going to come to you (because he thinks he’s supposed to be a “real man.”) So you will need to swallow your conceptions and go to him … but mainly with respect and compassion.
How to approach him
Some would immediately ask, “Why should I have to go to him? He’s a man. He needs to man up.” But there’s no compassion here. Ask yourself, how would you like someone to treat with you if you were not pleasing them in bed? Would you prefer they just show you a porn video and abruptly leave the room before telling you, “Here. Watch. Learn!”? You need to actually talk to him.
One good example is, “Babe, I really would like to have more sex with you. But there’re some things I think we can work on. You know I’m not perfect either so just hear me out, okay? I know we can make things better.”
Give him a fair chance
By using an approach like this, you would still likely put a man on guard. But you would also genuinely express your concern to fix things as opposed to condemning him for life. It gives him a fair chance; it also gives a chance for a gentle and respectful conversation between the two of you to take place. Finally, it also gives him some hope that you’re not going to just dump him on the spot.
Depending on the sexual problems, you may have to ask the man questions like, “Would it help if I go slower?”, “How do you really feel about oral?” or “I’m thinking of trying out some new lingerie. What do you think?”
Eradicating toxic masculinity
A lot of toxic masculinity beliefs have forever been going around. Many have been programmed to think that it’s not okay to ask or to be asked particular questions. But when you gently communicate information to a man and give him the opportunity to respond without judgment you open up a whole new level of healthy connections.
These connections can become so powerful that they can even last whether or not you decide to stay together.
Bring back the love
Sex is supposed to be a great experience between two consulting adults. It isn’t supposed to be like an exam that you take to determine if you get to keep your job or obtain a promotion afterwards.
Again, not everyone would agree with me here. But anyone experienced enough may agree that there eventually comes a time when you realize that all the sex in the world cannot serve as a substitute for everlasting happiness.
This is also probably the only time when someone may seriously stop thinking about “letting someone go” and instead focus more on holding onto all the things they can love without all of the expectations.
