Time after time again I’ve witnessed a particular scenario. People find themselves observing the success of someone else and then feeling like an absolute failure because of it. It’s not a feeling everyone may be susceptible to but it’s noticeable enough to warrant constant debates about the affair. It can lead you to question, how do you measure yourself? Do you measure up or down?
Measuring Down
Depression isn’t the only feeling that stems from people comparing themselves to others; there’s also jealousy, guilt and anger. Some may attribute these feelings to diminished self worth and insecurities but the problems are, well, not the actual problem.
The real problem is that people don’t take sufficient time to properly understand why they feel the way they do. Hence, practical solutions consistently elude them. They are therefore likely to struggle with all of these negative feelings. And they may constantly hope that someone can pamper them while in their weakened states of mind.
How people Measure themselves
The most interesting thing about how many people choose to measure and compare themselves to others is that it’s based on their perception of both possibilities and value. For instance, two people may go to the same college and pursue the same degree; one person graduates top of the class and the other completes the degree by scraping through with the minimum pass in every course.
Ten years later one of these persons ends up as the Vice President of a large corporate company; the other finds himself working as an Assistant Manager at a small, fast food joint. The one who almost failed every course during college is the Vice President; and the Assistant Manager feels like a failure meeting up with Mr. Vice President after all this time.
Measuring against motivation
It’s almost certain that had the grade A student met up with the “college delinquent” and that person had been doing worse than he was he would have felt better about the whole situation. There is nothing revolutionary about the latter. People have long been known to use the successes of others as a benchmark for what they should be accomplishing in their own lives. Quite frankly, this is a very sad thing to do.
There is also nothing truly motivational about feeling successful based on someone else’s failure; nor should you feel successful if you are on the same level as someone else. This reveals that you never trained yourself to compete with yourself, which is the only person you should frequently be competing with.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Regardless of what you believe, there is some level of truth to the saying, “life is not fair.” Not everyone starts on the same level; and not everyone will have the same genetics, intellect, skill-set, money, time, resources, temperament or circumstances to treat with. The sooner this is understood the sooner one realizes only so much can be controlled in this world. Therefore it’s best to simply focus on maximizing your strengths and minimizing your weaknesses.
Rather than feel threatened by someone’s success or secretly relieved by their failure, it’s more helpful to congratulate and be positively moved by that person. You may even be surprised to know that the same person who makes you feel insecure may be willing to help you find a new and better way of life.
Measure your dreams
Ironically, many people may meet celebrities who have obtained a much higher level of success than they had ever dreamed; and somehow they tend to be more okay with this. Yet, a classmate from a decade ago makes them feel like a failure. Do you see the paradox?
People compare themselves based on as much as they believe they can accomplish. Consequently, anything greater than the limits they have set for themselves often disturb them less. Well, I can’t be like Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates so they don’t count. It’s this kind of silly thinking that fuels mediocrity and insecurity. Maybe realistically speaking you may never find the same level of success as a celebrity. But you surely can find something greater than what you once held as your biggest dream ten years ago.
Always measure up
Dreams don’t have to be set in stone. You can change them to coincide with the dynamics of this ever-changing world. You don’t have to keep “measuring down” even if you think it’s up. Because what’s truly “up” will never make you feel down. Also consider that what’s already up must eventually come down, but when you’re down, death aside, you can only go up. Learn to always live with what you have while aspiring for a better tomorrow.
