You’ve been together with your significant other for some time. It could be weeks, months or years. The time period is pretty much irrelevant. He meant the world to you. At some point, however, you suddenly start feeling as though things just aren’t working out; you start thinking that the only solution is to end things with him.
Now before you reach this step, it’s highly advised that you do not prematurely end a healthy relationship for issues that are really just temporary. You will know if this is the case. How? Because both parties would usually come to a mutual agreement in a short enough period of time without excessive compromise.
However, some problem are more serious. E.g. him never wanting children or never wanting to get married while you desire one or both. In cases, like these, you may be left with no choice but to proceed to end the relationship.
Breakup don’ts
Nowadays, it’s pretty much foolish how many people choose to breakup with someone. There are a few ABSOLUTE DONT’S in almost every situation where breakups are involved. Prime examples are breaking up with him via messaging or texting, social media or phone call. Even worse, is by passing on the message to him through someone else.
Many relationship experts all agree on one thing. With the exception of cases where you just cannot meet to face to face due to geographical restrictions or fear of being harmed, the best way to break up with someone is to do it in person.
The stereotypical approach is to “invite” a man to a coffee shop by calling him up on his phone and saying, “Hey, we need to talk.” Those words are usually enough to put a man on guard as though he’s expecting the death of his best friend. Sadly, there’s not much else you can do at this stage because the bottom-line is that you really do need to talk.
Be considerate
Regardless how you choose to get him to the location to break the news, be sure to be as gentle as possible when you talk to him. The only exception to this is if he’s consistently been an a-hole throughout the entire relationship; in this case you may just need to respectfully tell him as it is.
However, if he’s been especially kind to you, treated you right and for whatever reason you just want to end things keep the following two points in mind: 1. Yes, he’s a man, but 2. He also has a heart.
Don’t ever be so callous in your approach that you just be as blunt as the dull edge of a butcher knife. To clarify, this is like you just saying whatever you want and then just leaving the knife for him on the table to reverse the edge and just cut himself with it. Remember you once had stronger feelings for this person to the point that you never wanted to let him go.
Spare him the bullsh*t
Nevertheless, don’t patronize the poor man as well, especially if he still loves you. You’re already possibly going to remove the most valuable thing he believes he has in his life; the least you can do is allow him to keep his dignity.
What you must do when you come face to face with the man you love, or once loved, first and foremost is to be a caring human being to him. Remind him that he’s a good person and that you respect him for both his strengths and weaknesses. But whatever you do don’t give him the cliched, “It’s not you, it’s me” speech. The man would just want you to be real with him and not belittle his identity in the process.
Tell him the truth
It is important that you understand that he may likely still have strong feelings for you as well. Don’t just toss him aside like a rag doll; and don’t claim that you don’t ever want to have anything to do with him ever again. Even the strongest men can have weak hearts.
Another thing to consider is that he may choose to love again in the future. But now is not the time to give him the “I’m sure you’ll find someone better” speech either. Keep the discussion mainly about the present. Mention the past only if you have to. And give the assurance why you think the decision to end the relationship is best for both parties. You owe him that much.
Don’t force it
In some cases, it may also be possible to repair a relationship at this stage or in the future. But it should not be forced then and there. On that note, also do not try to force a friendship with the other typical, “Let’s be friends” line. The man will need space and time to think over what you’ve just done to him.
Even if he does not blame you it will still hurt, particularly if he was not expecting it. But you should also never assume that he should have expected it either. In many ways women can be more intuitive than men at times, so it’s important not to hold a man’s lack of perception against him.
Expect any reaction
But all in all, if you would like things to go well on that day and possibly even better in the future (don’t hold your breath), there are a few things you must do as you end a relationship with a man. Be honest, be genuine and let him voice his opinions after you’ve said your piece. Show him that you always cared for him and, if possible, can be there for him in the future.
Even if you may no longer want him to be yours, if you truly loved him you would want him to be someone else’s in the future. Long story short, be gentle, but tactful enough that you don’t cause the man to feel so much hate or rejection afterwards that he forgets how to love. It’s really the only way to soothe a man’s pain. If he loved you enough, how you treat with him then may actually be the thing he remembers most after he’s cried.
