“Johhny, can you please take out the trash?”
Child snarls. “I’m six. Do I look like the freakin’ maid?”
Mother becomes enraged. “I’m your mother. And I demand that you take out the garbage this instant!”
“Why didn’t you tell that to dad when you caught him in bed with your sister?”
Mother clenches her fist. “Ooooo, you just wait till your father comes home!”
“He isn’t coming back. He left you for the cable guy, remember?”
“Y-your father’s just confused right now, you hear? That’s all. He’s just confused.”
“Whatever.” Child walks away. “But I’m still not taking out the trash.”
Mother picks up the garbage can and throws it at her six year old son.
Child glares at the scattered rubbish before his feet, then at his mother. “I’m calling Child Protection first thing tomorrow. Better start packing, Ma, ‘cause your ass is going to jail!”
The death of family values
These days it’s funny how family life can easily become more entertaining than a twisted soap opera. Families are now exposed to all sorts of bizarre things that those of previous generations never used to encounter on any level. So now the question then presents itself, “What changed?” Why are so many mothers unable to control their young ones? And just as many fathers routinely tend to be missing in action for whatever reason.
All you need to do is take a closer look at the structure of the modern world. By doing this it becomes easy to see why most families have gradually become the way they are; they are reminiscent of spawns from an underworld. Many are only concerned with adhering to all the norms, cultures and beliefs of wider societies; they hardly give that much thought to the one thing that holds all of the latter elements together … values!
Values help people determine those things that are right or wrong. This is severely lacking today. Hence, a child is now free to tell his mother naughty words without feeling threatened; he knows he will still get his supper and will not be on the receiving end of a broomstick.
The four rudiments
But let’s dive a little deeper into the heart of the matter. Indeed there are valid solutions for upholding values within a family unit; however, in order to apply them effectively one must first be aware of four basic rudiments. These rudiments can generally rip apart any solid bond a family has either already solidified or needs to properly establish.
Socialization
You know what they say: “A family that prays together stays together.” Just for one second, pretend that the following statement was absolute nonsense. Now picture you and your family sitting at a dinner table praying, eating, and exchanging warm discussions.
But there’s one family member who always sits twenty feet away from the table with a spoon in his mouth; he only growls at you every time you smile at him: the bastard of a step-son who refuses to socialize. The only exception is when he’s watching some show on television or typing “lol” or “lmao” on Facebook.
Why Socialization matters
Through socialization, families can stay bonded together once it’s understood that each person is unique and develops differently. While few people might argue that the benefits of socializing outweigh those of being a recluse, simply praying for someone to become more social doesn’t help anyone.
Even if a praying family was really meant to stay together, there’s also a quote in the Bible—James 2:17—that basically says that, “faith without works is dead.” Therefore, if you desire for your family to stay strong through the process of socialization, then know that the basis is to learn the psyche of every member of your family. Thereafter you must try to find a way to relate to as many things possible that may or may not appeal to the individual. After that, you take action!
Shared Beliefs/Traditions
No family member will always agree on everything another believes in; yet it is of benefit to every family to find a way to construct a set of rational norms that will be agreeable to all members of the family.
When families share common beliefs and traditions, be it through their faith in God, politics, education, custom-made holidays etc., or through other constant things like a similar taste in food and music, it helps create a greater stability within the household.
As a result, less arguments and disruption will occur; every member of the family will more easily understand each other and be free to have their own identity. In turn this will help curb their compulsion to infringe on any exclusive beliefs that they may not agree with.
Motivation
A family whose complete ambition in life flourishes on waking up, eating and sleeping will result in nothing but that; it would be as though they have as much drive as a pile of wood. Like many wise people would say, “You reap what you sow.” One of the most important ways to instill values into a family is by doing something as simple as planting a seed and having everyone take turns each day in watching it grow.
Human beings feel happiest when they have a reason to wake up in the morning; the reason could be as simple as to tend to a garden or to take a bus to work. And when you really think about it, if the core value of life means to be thankful as you wake each morning, then if a family was never motivated, what reason would they ever have to live?
Love & Trust
Love and trust always go hand in hand in setting up a good foundation for a family. In fact, it’s not that much of a secret that love is the most important of all traits. A family whose every action is based on love will generally thrive. They will find that most physical, emotional and spiritual problems move away from them with ease. Because every action they perform is done with the sole intent of bringing joy and unity within the family.
Lack of love and trust in a family can be easily determined; frequent quarrels, fist fights, and tension conceived from repeated exposure to several forms of abuse are prime culprits. But there is a funny thing about love and trust; though they are the most powerful forces in any family unit, they’re also the most difficult ones to build or retrieve. It takes years and years of constant hard work to generate genuine compassion. And it can all falter in a single moment of doubt or mistake.
Family Values are not always what’s seen on TV
Study each of the four elements above; observe how they relate to the families of the past and the ones that exist today It’s easy to be deceived into thinking that most of these qualities still exist, even in your own family. But here’s a shocker. They don’t exist, at least not in the way they used to.
Most people still haven’t realized that values are no longer values the moment they are only accepted based on norms; and that loving someone, believing in something, trusting someone and being motivated to do something shouldn’t only be determined by what seems normal or what someone famous says on TV.
Trust in something more
Trust in something beyond what your eyes can see. Some will say trust in your heart; others prefer to turn to God. But the most important thing is trusting in whatever gets you to restore the family values that consistently decline the more we try to blend in with a modern society. Because with everything that the modern world gives us, it takes something back. And if you’re still not convinced, consider this…
- Social Media platforms have drastically helped connect faraway lands together; but it has also caused more people to often communicate from afar. The physical and emotional bond that once existed in society is now weakened.
- With the advent of mass fame and individuality, shared beliefs still exist; but these beliefs are no longer generally preferred should an individual desire to reach the heights of celebrity.
- Motivation is now seen as the pinnacle of success. But now a constant drive to be motivated has caused billions of people to chase after success and forever be afraid of failure; global competition to be better than everyone else is now fierce, thus creating the “dog eat dog” world there is today.
Stability is the answer
And finally, because of all of the above, the sincere love and trust that once existed within human civilization has now fossilized, soon to be turned into dust. But if such a thing as genuine love existed once upon a time, and the core values of the world depend on the holistic nature of a family, then that can only mean that the secret to having good family values is simply to have unshaken mental Stability.
But after so many decades, centuries even, of believing that values could simply be defined as what society deems to be right or wrong, will the day ever arrive where humanity finally retains true balance? At the moment, even time does not have the answer to that.
