There is generally never one reason for the failure of a marriage. After all, it takes two to make things work. But even easier, it takes two to destroy a good thing. Surely a marriage stands a much chance of surviving if elements such as love, finances and loyalty remain in play; however, all three of these things can gradually become more valueless if just one thing is not set in place. This one thing, as airy fairy as it may sound, is simply mindset. Without the right mindset, you will find yourself heading down the hidden path to a doomed marriage.
Treating Marriage like a degree certificate
Too many people treat marriage like a degree certificate. They clamor for the relationship, for someone to love them, for the engagement ring and then for the wedding. Similarly, a student desires to pass his/her courses, to get good grades, a sense of accomplishment, the awards, the graduation ceremony and finally the degree certificate. Both are seen as outcomes that “you’re made it”. All the hard work and commitment have paid off; you now get to live happily ever after … except you don’t.
What does a degree certificate mean? It means you passed a bunch of courses and were awarded a piece of paper for your valiant efforts. What does a marriage certificate mean? It means you declared your relationship in front of a bunch of people—and supposedly God—that you promise to love each other forever and ever. What do both certificates mean in terms of adding value in relation to real-wold experience? Absolutely nothing!
Don’t take Marriage at face value
Research has shown that a large number of degree holders do not remember much of what they studied in their degrees; this becomes even more evident especially after years have passed. Many also never end up in their career of choice upon completing a degree. And many feel entitled and believe they deserve to get a good job because they hold a degree.
When a lot of people get married, that certificate also makes them feel as though they are entitled to eternal happiness. Some people often blindly claim this happiness in the name of God. But so too do many perpetually unemployed people holding certificates. But these facts are not to be taken at face value.
Marriage is just the beginning
Many agree that whatever you did to attract someone in the beginning should be consistently carried through till the end. Unfortunately for some “the end” seems to be after they’ve obtained their spouse. Just like refusing to further your education upon completing a degree, refusing to actively grow with your spouse cannot be right.
People get married, then get lazy, then start taking things for granted. Then before you know it the grass starts looking greener on the other side. What once looked like happily ever after suddenly looks like one more day in hell. Then before you know it, one or both parties start looking for a way out or to cheat on the other.
Marriage is serious business
Marriage is not a game that you play for a few weeks then become bored with after. If you know that just like many degree holders that once you obtain your degree you simply plan to forever blame society for your failures due to lack of meaningful efforts, there is actually something rather small you can do for everyone.
You can consider willfully being unemployed (just not while on social welfare); and you can remain unmarried for the rest of your life. At least this way your lack of passion and commitment to true self development would contribute to the reduction of today’s divorce rate. If you find this harsh then it only confirms that you haven’t learnt enough in school and certainly won’t be able to add enough to a healthy marriage. But look on the “bright side”. With this mindset, you will forever be your own doom.
