It’s often promoted that we should consistently seek to obtain the best in life. These are indeed wise words. But some people take things a step further. They become so obsessed with wanting the best that they begin to want more. It all sounds pretty noble at first, harmless even. But then their desire for more becomes more … and more … and more … then more, more! And then over time they may never realize how easily they have fallen victim to the perfection trap.
What’s the Perfection Trap?
One clear-cut definition of perfection refers to something that is completely free from faults or defects. Another definition is having ALL the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; in other words, acquiring something in the form of “as good as it can possibly get”.
Everything above sounds realistic and practical. The trap, however, comes into play once people start expecting perfection out of everything and everyone. They see anything short of perfection to be failure and they will accept nothing less; but to the wiser, this thinking in itself is what fails.
The side effects of Perfection
I’ve known someone who topped their class each semester 20 times in a row; on the 21st attempt they came in second. That individual became depressed for weeks. The teacher had to intervene and call in the parents to address the situation in fear that the child would do something as senseless as commit suicide.
The child just couldn’t accept that being the best 20 times in a row was a mammoth accomplishment; she only saw that one “failure” and being second felt like the end of the world. But what about the child who spent 21 semesters hoping to once again not place last in an examination? Does the perfectionist even care? The constant quest for perfection can unexpectedly lead people to become self-centered and unsympathetic.
The “Perfect List“
The side effects of chasing perfection are already bad enough but nothing compares to how easily it can get worse.
I took a taxi home from work one day and overheard a woman discussing relationships with the driver. In the midst of otherwise dead silence I was technically forced to listen to their conversation. The woman had been telling the male driver that she would not rest until she finds the perfect man. She said he can have 9 out of 10 things she desires in a man; but if another guy has just 1 of what she really desires she may choose that “1 out of 10” guy instead.
After I heard that, I suddenly remembered the voices of others who once voiced to me the one thing they can’t do without. In my head, I started “calculating”. And I came up with the possibility that someone could comprise a list that reads:
- Rich / Good Job
- Charismatic / Great personality
- Fun Loving / Adventurous
- Intelligent
- Mentally / Socially powerful
- Excellent physique
- Humorous
- Generous / Caring
- Loyal / Faithful
Not good in bed
And because of #10 on the list, based on the woman’s reasoning above she may not choose the man, despite the many other great things he has to offer. But hey, that’s just how it is, right? Life’s isn’t fair. To each his own is about the only thing someone may say to that, perhaps more so the person who spent a lifetime never placing first in exams.
When Perfection kills
Too many people confuse expectations with standards. When you’re obsessed with perfection it becomes even easier to mix up the two. When you expect something, you feel that something in particular should happen. And when you have standards, regardless of what happens you just know your worth. Both expectations and standards can stand on their own.
But when you value perfection you sync both expectations and standards together; and like a married couple an outcome that affects one is likely to affect both. Suddenly your expectations can become very unrealistic and your standards unrealistically high. In addition to becoming self-centered and unsympathetic you may eventually find yourself becoming more complacent, unforgiving and heartless. All combined, these will just kill you inside.
Expecting too much
The “perfection trap” all stems simply from expecting too much. Especially as it relates to humans, no one and nothing they do will ever be perfect. Some people may subjectively think that there are people who achieve perfection. But this is only based on their personal illusion of the trait.
Surely a lot of people may look at the aforementioned “perfect list” and compare it to their own experiences or beliefs; they may think that not being good in bed is a deal breaker. They may even say, “You just don’t understand, because some things are needed for a relationship to work.” But they would still be missing the whole point.
It isn’t entirely about the details on the list; it’s really just about people expecting too much out of every situation and not wanting to accept that nothing may ever be perfect. It’s about accepting what you are willing to make sacrifices and comprises for and then determining if in the end it would all be worth it.
But quite frankly, anyone who is willing to give up a good human solely to have good feelings needs to accept that they too may be far from perfect.
The power of imperfection
People who are not used to being on top of the world their entire lives are often more aware of the detriment of perfection. They may have had to fight super hard to prove they were not worthless; and because they were once used to being significantly undervalued they don’t expect anything to ever be perfect. They embrace great (or seemingly perfect) things when they happen, but they don’t just expect them to occur. As a result, their acceptance of imperfection may make them more understanding and forgiving to what happens to and around them.
For those who chase perfection at all expense and believe that they have found it, they often forget one thing. Everything only lasts for a time. Always remember that the great things you want when you’re at one stage in life may not be the same things you need when you’re at another. Because as the saying goes, “On day you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars”. And amidst your thoughts about everything being imperfect, you may finally grasp that your life may have once been “as good as it gets”. At that point, the most you can hope for is that you’re not permanently trapped. Because with all things considered, this is as close to perfection that anyone can get.
