When it comes to relationships it often seems that everyone has the perfect idea of who, what and how their most ideal partner is supposed to be. For some this could mean that their prospective mate needs to be over 6 feet tall, looks like a supermodel, makes a lot of money, has their own place, can raise children, is intelligent and so on.
The long list of wishes (even if there’s leeway for cutbacks) easily appears all innocent at first. After all, everyone is entitled to want who they want. However, that list quickly becomes intolerable when the measures used to determine someone’s worth are unapologetically asinine. At some point you just can’t help but consider how hypocrites see relationships. The example below paints clear picture.
How to NOT get a relationship by being a Hypocrite
Two people are using a dating app to try to score a date. The man has an inspirational post set as his profile pic while the woman has multiple pics of herself on display. The man initiates contact with the woman and she responds, “Hi.” Immediately the man visually reveals his identity out of courtesy and asks the woman to tell more about herself.
She then writes a very long paragraph where she states that she’s looking for Mr. Right. But then she says she keeps attracting men who are only after her for her looks. The man responds, saying he’s also searching for someone who is not just hung up on looks. The woman replies with a series of interrogative questions; she wants to know why the man felt he needed to hide his profile pic in the first place. She doesn’t see the point.
And even though the man amiably responds and says that while looks are important he rather someone considers knowing who he is first, thereafter the woman stopped replying. Apparently, she feels he is deceitful.
The wrong approach to Relationships
How can someone ever find the right person if their approach in going about finding them is all wrong? Based on the above scenario, keeping the bigger picture in mind, it has much less to do with a dating app and much more to do with the way people are so quick to judge others.
Unsurprisingly, such people are generally much less critical of themselves. For instance, the woman didn’t want a man liking her for her looks. Yet the man—in abruptly trying to justify his approach to ensure the same doesn’t happen to him—is immediately locked off by the woman. Furthermore, all of the pics the woman had posted on her profile contained heavy makeup; but the man still had no problem getting to know her. So it’s really not that clear-cut in determining who might have been the most deceitful one, if either at all.
You need to know the whole story
The point is that too often people don’t give others sufficient chance to prove themselves. A lot of people treat dating as just something they want to get done and over with. Yet they somehow expect to stop meeting the wrong people by trying to rush the process. I get it; your time is valuable and you don’t care for people to waste your time. So all the still living at home, jobless momma boys and the women with baby mama drama issues you really don’t want any part of.
But in being too quick to rule out people based on some potentially superficial list you developed, you stand a much higher chance of never finding the right one. The guy still living at home could be rich but is taking care of his sick mom. And the girl who has a child could have been raped. Unlikely, yes. But the reality is you almost never know the full story even when you think you do. If from the beginning you don’t care to hear anyone’s story and just want a relationship to happen then you probably should not be in a relationship.
The only way to a genuine Relationship
Stories make people who they are; you don’t have to accept their stories. But people you just meet who show genuine interest in knowing you at least deserve a moment of your time. Relationships are built on connections and in choosing to be open and emotionally vulnerable with someone from the start. If you can’t do this, before, during or after spending time with someone, then for the rest of your life you have already lost.
More people need to realize that by default they may not be better than anyone. Nor do they deserve better treatment solely based on standards they set for themselves. Treat others how you would like to be treated and don’t be a hypocrite who just sees a relationship as a means to an end. Only after doing this can you possibly find true love.
