What makes a Real Woman?

The phrase, “be a real man” is used so often. But its frequent usage seemingly masks the answer to the question when it’s reversed: what makes a real woman? One of the best examples I ever came across is a woman I met while working at a job. She was about 40 years old at the time but looked a few years younger; she was also very trim, soft spoken and articulate. There are few people nowadays that I admire on a particular level and this woman is one of them.

She has grit

From day one there was just some very subtle things she did that made me take notice of her. To many she was just the cleaner; and she even recited that line from time to time, “I’m just the cleaner”. it was though she had long accepted what many people would, by default, perceive her to be. Nothing more, nothing less. Just the cleaner.

Yet, it never bothered her. Upon first meeting her, I abruptly asked what her name was. And for the purpose of this article I will call her Cindy. Cindy told me softly that there are very few people that she speaks to in general. “Just stick to yourself whenever possible and you should be fine,” she said.

She is dutiful

Cindy would come to work at 4:00 a.m. each morning and leave at 4:00 p.m. just like everyone else. She would mop the floors, clean the halls, empty the garbage bins; she would clean the bathroom stalls and do almost anything else related you can think of.

For several weeks the only additional words I received from her each day was, “Good morning”. But it was always done in a sincere sort of way. Then one day Cindy came to sit with me as I was having lunch and told me her backstory. And of course I listened.

She focuses on building herself

Cindy had previously been married for 20 years to a man who eventually turned out to be worthless. He became a regular drunk and was persistently argumentative. Even after having a few children together, things just kept getting worse. They were eventually forced to split. Cindy decided to leave everything behind she built with her husband and started over on her own as a cleaner.

She left her home and closed her small business that had been generating more revenue than most regular jobs. The man eventually wanted to reconcile with her but she had had enough. She just left. Cindy then revealed that in her present life she was more focused on continuing to take care of her children, rebuilding a new home and of course rebuilding herself.

She is frank and gives fair choices

Time passed and Cindy talked a little more to me and she eventually met another man who she introduced me to. When I met him I felt happy for her for two main reasons: 1. She refused to live in the past and 2. He appeared to be a genuine person. Even if both of these were actually true, Cindy did make sure to mention a few things.

She said that from the beginning of her new relationship she made it respectfully clear all the things she could stand for and what she couldn’t. She gave him the choice from as early as possible to leave or stay. And she also let him decide if there was anything he was willing to change or not change about himself. Finally, she made it clear that all she wants as a priority in her present life is peace.

She cares and is all about peace

I grew to know Cindy as a woman who barely complains. She looks for solutions instead of creating problems, avoids drama, is committed to her job and children, is always respectful to everyone and is extremely humble. Cindy eats rather simply and would rather stay home than go out to a fancy restaurant.

She also actively focuses on building her new home which, she recently desires to financially do on her own; she does not want a cent from her man. And while they both have full time jobs, at times she willingly comes home and cooks and cleans for him.

She motivates, supports him, and lets him spend all the time in the world with his friends and family. her only condition is that he does not become a wayward man like her previous husband. Most importantly, she does not keep score based on how many good deeds she has done for him. In her quest for peace she just genuinely cares for others and does this to the best of her ability.

She’s as good as what’s written in Proverbs

I think it’s safe to say that I speak for most men that a woman who thinks and acts like Cindy is worth more than gold. This is what many serious men would prefer to see more of long term. To men, it’s highly attractive for a woman to admit that she’s not perfect and believes that peace conquers all.

Somehow I can’t help but remember the scripture, “It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Proverbs 25: 24. Cindy just despises arguments to the point that if you curse her out in public she may just walk off.

She is just real

Surely, it’s not easy for every woman to get to the point that Cindy has reached. But this comes with a deeper level of understanding about people and life. Life is too short to be taken for granted and to continually focus on the things you cannot change. Seeing a woman like this in today’s generation can give hope to more people that many more indeed exist.

What’s more important is that all women don’t need to live their lives exactly like Cindy. Nor do they need to make the same choices she did. They only need to find ways to keep improving their lives and the live of others. And they need to also put their foot down but without stamping anyone’s face with it.

Cooking, cleaning and taking care of children are skills many women believe are special. For Cindy, these are nothing to talk about. Her life will always be about adding whatever she can to make your life better or peacefully removing herself if you’re all about making things worse. A real man will always respect such a woman because they know it does not get any more real than this.