Once upon a time, a romantic relationship was seen as the most beautiful thing; it made lots of people feel happy and alive. Of course this isn’t to say that relationships are not alive and well today. But the truth is that most people are probably not really as happy as they think they are. There’s a clear reason why relationships are dead.
People will always crave Relationships
Dozens of individuals have literally walked up to me. And for some unexplained reason they just felt comfortable telling me all about their personal relationships, the details of which I’ve always kept in confidence.
Surprisingly, most of the people who shared their experiences admitted some pretty scary things. Some felt as though they made a mistake getting married or choosing a particular partner. Some wish they could swear off men or women altogether, yet they are still in a relationship or want one.
Reasons Relationships don’t work
There are many reasons a relationship may not work out; but there are a few instances that guarantee that in the long run they will almost never work.
Firstly, a lot of people commit to a partner or get married when they are far too young. Secondly, they feel as though they are getting older and that time is ticking away so they make a hasty decision. Thirdly, people feel as though they need to couple up with someone, either to please members of society or fulfill some seemingly undying need. Lastly, they have a misguided or erroneous view as it relates to the true purpose of a relationship.
Why Relationships are dead
Now it’s easy to think that the view, “relationships are dead” is superficial. After all, it does not take the great relationships that work into consideration; however, a lot of these relationships are dead as well and some couples who think they are happy are actually clueless because their idea of love is covertly selfish. The fact that many would be quick to shout, “Who are you to tell me I’m not happy?” can easily prove my point.
Realistically speaking, relationships are dead because the “love” fades quicker nowadays. And they are also consistently plagued by the new age acronym, FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Relationship failures generally tie back to this in some capacity.
The realities of fake Relationships
In an age where reaching someone is just a like, share, WhatsApp message or Tinder swipe away there is so much competing for other people’s attention that they are more easily swayed. Furthermore, the people who avoid social media are also not immune. Many couples validate the health of their relationship by the number of children they have as a couple. Some validate by how many family trips they take each weekend. And others validate based on how they work together despite the daily struggles to “get through each day”.
It all sounds good on paper until the day one or more of the factors they are tied to take a turn for the worst. It is then it comes to light that they were actually more committed not to each other but to the challenges of life itself. In other words their relationship exists but it is paradoxically non-existent.
Determining if a Relationship is dead
Where it is determined if a relationship is dead or not does not truly lie in the present state of a relationship. It lies in what was agreed upon from the start and where the couple plans to head in the future. That is the only way to know know if a relationship is alive and what will be its chances of success.
Too many people get into relationships, having these grand expectations; they “know” what it should be like and once disappointments start to set in trouble and confusion soon follow. Suddenly the once extremely happy couple starts talking more and more about problems and that they are “getting though each day and making it work”. They don’t know where things went wrong. And this is simply because there was no consistent (and selfless) plan for their relationship to flourish.
Keeping relationships alive
It’s a real shame that so many people stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. E.g. solely due to things like established comfort, fear of starting over or forever being alone. And the moment things become too tough or they can’t get what they thought would make them happy they suddenly have regrets or want to be with someone else. These are all selfish reasons for being in a relationship.
If these are the driving forces that consistently sustain yours, then your relationship is also dead. It does not matter if you’re been happily married for 50 years or have been in a relationship for 5 months, selfishness never keeps a relationship alive. It may sustain the relationship, but it’s technically still dead.
But what’s worth asking is: Would you be happy just forever going through the motions and being dead? And what exactly can you consistently give to someone else to ensure that no matter what happens you forever feel alive? If you can’t answer correctly to either question above you may significantly be contributing to the death of all relationships.
